Y’all in the American SW and west Mexico better check the national hurricane center and your weather for this weekend and next week.

Hurricane Hilary is about to make landfall and that whole desert area is supposed to get a years worth of rain or more. Death Valley is supposed to get twice the annual rainfall. Severe winds, massive flooding, and landslides are all strong possibilities.

This is gonna get ugly. Please spread the word. This is a majorly anomalous event and people may be unaware of the threat headed their way.

Flash floods are definitely gonna kill people, so here’s your regularly scheduled PSA:

Desert soil does not absorb a significant amount of water. It reaches maximum saturation very very quickly, and all the rest of the water rushes downhill. Even if you can’t tell that the ground is not perfectly flat, the water can. And it will move. Quickly. No, faster than that. Nope, still faster. If you try to cross moving floodwater, you will get swept downstream and probably die.

Do not try to wade in/cross flood water that is any deeper than the thickness of the sole of an average athletic shoe, no I am not kidding, the water will get deeper literally while you’re standing in it.

This goes for cars, too. I’ve seen entire vehicles getting swept downstream in flash floods because the driver thought they could cross the “puddle” and Found Out.

Stay safe, y’all.

also if you're going into water intentionally (cleanup, obviously as things RECEDE), PROTECT YOUR EYES. Flood water is NASTY AS HELL and you will be getting a tetanus booster right off the bat if you end up in the ER for any reason.

Part of climate change is that Southern California is starting to get the summer monsoons that used to only happen in Arizona and Nevada. Los Angeles was not a desert until the last 15 years — it was a Mediterranean climate. Summer monsoons = desert.

Also of note:

If you’re entering receding waters for cleanup, WEAR RUBBER WADERS!!!

Rattlesnakes can swim and will get in the water to get out of the heat. Rattlesnakes also rather notoriously are chill as fuck until you scare them. And imagine how terrifying the floods and noise of a hurricane must be to a rattlesnake.

Rattlers don’t “want to hurt you.” But they will defend themselves if they think they need to, and they’re going to think they need to. So protect yourself and them, and wear gear they can’t bite. Should you spot a rattler before it attempts to scare you off, just back away slowly and come back later. If you can’t back away, try to give it a wide berth, or angle your approach so you appear to be heading away rather than coming head on.

please pass this around to all of your classmates, i don’t want anyone saying they didn’t get to vote

exercising my active listening by sending 👀👀 in the group chat

Why would you hide that in the notes

I want an ice maker and enough room in the freezer for a pizza and that is IT.

I want the dumbest fridge you got. Gimme the orange tabby of refrigeration. I want my fridge to pull the wrong lever and turn my enemies into llamas instead of killing them. I want the following features: keeps things cold, has compartment that keeps things colder, a door that opens and shuts.

"Here at Stupid Jeff's Dumb Appliance Warehouse we sell the dumbest fucking appliances. Check out this fridge. This fridge won't ask you about your day, this dumb fucking fridge doesn't know what an Elon Musk is and won't fucking tell you what bullshit that dumb monkey is slapping into his phone today when you try to get some fucking milk. We took out all those "smart" electronics and in their place we put a loaded Glock 9mm that is put right up to that light that turns on when you open the door, which is the smartest thing in this fucking stupid fridge and let me tell you that fucker is on thin goddamn ice, if it gets too smart and tries to turn on before you open that door, the Glock will blow it to hell. Speaking of ice, this stupid fridge makes it. It makes ice, it keeps things cold, it comes with shelves. It's sturdy enough that when your ex comes back to your place looking for their stuff that they think they left behind like nine months ago and they know that you don't have it, but they wanted an excuse to come start a fight with you and throw a chair at your head but miss you and hit your fridge MICHAEL, this fridge will keep trucking because it gives zero shits and it only lives to keep things cold. Come to Stupid Jeff's Dumb Appliance Warehouse, if you ask us if we have an app, we break your kneecaps."

sometimes u have to listen to an album

*sees one cop drive by* damn. way too many cops out today

i had enough of dating apps and the boring hey what’s up hi nothing wbu messages why don’t you just stab me instead then leave me on your kitchen floor and walk away knowing that your stab was surgical because u wanted me to live

HEY CALIFORNIA PEOPLE!

HURRICANE ADVICE FROM A FLORIDIAN!

Make sure you've got shelf-stable food and water for everyone in the house, including pets. The rule of thumb is a gallon per person per day. Freeze water bottles if you want cold water.

Make sure you have enough meds!

Make sure you have batteries, candles, flashlights, and a manual can opener. 

Make sure your electronics, including backup batteries, are charged. Unplug things you don't want fried in case of a power surge. 

Don't tape your windows, it doesn't help and you'll just be stuck scrubbing goo off of them later.

Put a mug of frozen water in it in your freezer with a quarter on top of it. If your freezer defrosts, the ice will melt and the quarter will sink and tell you you need to throw things out.

Get everything that's not nailed to a foundation out of your yard. That dead branch hanging on by a thread? Time to get it down (it was probably time to do that three days ago, but now’s better than never).

Park away from powerlines and trees if you can. Rain makes the ground soft and then trees fall over.

Have an evacuation plan to a shelter. Evacuate if they’re telling you to.

If you start to flood, don't go in your attic. You'll get trapped if the water rises too high and you can't hack through your roof. This happened to a lot of people in Texas and Louisiana. Get ON the roof.

Be safe, be well <3 

What the fuck?

???? WHAT???

Ngl, "tropical storm in death valley" was not on my 2023 bingo card.

Drainage on our roads is shitty in SoCal, don't attempt to drive through water deep enough to touch your bumpers and don't attempt to walk across moving water, water only as deep as your ankles can knock you down and sweep you away.

Predicted wind speeds are similar to strong Santa Anas, so lock things down like you would for that, though keep in mind that yeah the combination of heavy rain and wind leads to more felled trees than just wind.

Take photos of the inside of your home now; flood insurance fucking sucks here and if you're in a possible flood zone you want as much documentation of your home and belongings as possible in case you need to make a claim.

Freezing water bottles also means you've got a lot of ice in your freezer if power goes out, and safe potable water once it thaws, so freeze bottles of water to have something to keep your fridge and freezer cool and store more water regardless of if you want cold water.

fill your bathtub/ large containers/ buckets with water so you can flush the toilet if the power goes out. you can check the water level by popping the top off the tank

don’t walk through any standing/flood waters afterwards. they’re nasty and can hide downed power lines

unless there is an emergency do not drive through floodwaters. your car will stall